Is This Your Wedding or Mine? {Guest Blogger Chauntel Simmons}

Conflicts and disagreements can occur during wedding planning, and they are inevitable. Author Chauntel Simmons talks today about handling conflicts and disagreements between you and those closest to you: Your Mother.

Tell me if this scene sounds familiar? You have accepted the invitation to be Mrs. Wonderful from your beloved and you are soaring on cloud’s 9, 10, and 11 all at the same time! You get to dream big dreams, besides you only get married once! Where will you find the perfect dress? What should your theme and colors be? Should you both write your own vows? Where should the reception location be? How big is too big? HELP!!! When discussing this with your mom she wells up at the thought of her baby girl walking down the aisle to say, “I do.”
You have decided to plan this momentous event with your mom who just happens to be your best friend because you believe this experience will bring you closer together than you already are. You have ideas that you have researched and are thrilled and nervous to try out at the same time. You and your husband to be have discussed this vision at length and you’re both on board. You excitedly share your vision with your mother only to see that she is figuratively pointing her “I don’t think so” shot gun at your idea! Yep shot it down quickly! She laughingly tells you despite your idea being cute and all it happens to be all wrong!  She mentions if you thought cousin Shelia’s wedding was a knockout, wait until the family gets a load of yours!

Eat your heart out bridal magazines everywhere! She persuades you to go another direction entirely, and every time your mother brings up your wedding day your heart sinks as you fight back nausea and fake a smile for her benefit? What should you do, will your dream not become a reality (soap opera music playing in the background)?

Tip 1: Take a deep breath and relax!

Keep in mind that your mom is truly coming from a good place. You are the only YOU she has and she wants this to be extra special for you. Imagine how you would feel if she did not care a bit about your special day. That would be extremely hurtful. This is truly intensified if you are her only daughter! Before you go any further just remember at the core of your relationship is love and that is a wonderful thing!

Tip 2: Spend time together apart from wedding planning!

 Part of her angst is a hidden fear of her losing you. Reassure her how proud you are to be her daughter and that she is not losing you but truly gaining a son. This reassurance will go a long way and will help you to prepare her for your next step.

Tip 3: Be honest with her about your wedding!

Let her know that you are thrilled to have her in your corner eagerly helping you with your special day. Inform her that this is truly a day you will look back on for many years to come and you don’t want to have any regrets. It may not be a bad idea to place the responsibility of your planning in the capable hands of a professional wedding planner. Inform her that you are open to her suggestions but you have selected the overall vision. Let her know you need her to be free to be mother of the bride because you truly need her support uninterrupted.

Tip 4: Stand your ground!

Sometimes the truth hurts and people don’t want to face it. If she responds in an undesirable fashion, kindly respond with thanks but no thanks. Tell her you have discussed this with your fiancé and you both have made the decision. This can get touchy if the parents are financing all or a part of the wedding, but ultimately this is still your wedding! If you two cannot resolve this among yourselves talk to a non-partial party (i.e. church clergy, wedding planner, etc.).

Tip 5: This too shall pass!

It may not seem like it especially if you are in the midst of your planning phase, but your wedding day will come and go very quickly. Do your best to enjoy this experience along the way. Make memories that count and remember after this fabulous day you have to live together as husband and wife. This is when the real fun begins. I’ve been a bride of 11 years and I love this journey each and every day because I’ve been blessed to marry my very best friend!
About Author Chautel Simmons:
A staunch believer in the Lord, Chauntel Simmons enjoys being the mother of three beautiful kids. Her family has inspired her to pen down her first children’s book, If I were a Coconut! Principles in Action is proud to have organized her first book signing! She is current member of Now Word Covenant Church under the teaching of Pastor Keith Graham in San Antonio, Texas. You can follow her on her blog.

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4 thoughts on “Is This Your Wedding or Mine? {Guest Blogger Chauntel Simmons}

  1. AAAAHHHHHH I had no idea you were posting this? Wow Ansonya I'm amazed how it all looks with the beautiful pictures you've selected to go with each section. Thank you for the wonderful opportunity. I'm honored to be your friend! Love u girl!

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